Tidal waves they rip right through me.

Tears from eyes worn cold and sad. Pick me up now, I need you so bad.

We're nearly half way through the two weeks, and both starting to realize that this could be the last time we get to see each other for four months. The last stint was two months, that was hard enough and serverly tested the relationship, for me at least. Four months is too long, so I'm going to try with all my might to come up to where he lives again this holidays.

It's still blissful. He gave me my christmas present, a silver bracelet with a heart pendant on it. It's very pretty, I love it. He made fun of my reaction - "Awww, Joey! *kiss attack*"

He's sitting on the floor beside me playing Mario Kart on DS. I just punched him in the forehead, I'm trying to teach him not to say 'Thank you' after a kiss, it kind of ruins the moment xD. He knows about this blog but can't read it.

xx

I don't want this moment to ever end.

Where everything's nothing, without you.

Day two. I think I'll lose some weight with all the wrestling. Even when we're not fighting, he takes my phone or I take his iPod and it starts up again. I don't want him to ever ever leave. But he will have to eventually *sigh*.

He showed my mum the present he got me for christmas, she said I would love it and it 'brought a tear to her eye.' He wanted to give it to me today so he could see me 'wearing it', but I thought it would be nicer closer to christmas. After a short fight, which I won, he agreed.

xxx

I am too happy and excited to come up with lyrics at this moment.

HE'S HERE!!

I was worried, I was terrified it was going to be really awkward, but it's awesome. I love him. It's so nice. We've been wrestling, fighting, abusing and teasing eachother. He said it's the funnest day he's had ever. I accidently hit him in the crotch to hard with my thongs and he curled up on the side of the road groaning, but he was still laughing while he was there. My stomach hurts, bye!!

xx

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight.

I know he's there.

You're probably hanging out and making eyes,

While across the room he stares...

I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor,

and ask my girl to dance,

and she'll say yes.

I love you Mayday Parade.

Because these words were never easier for me to say,

or her to second guess...

But I guess,

that I can live without you but,

without you I'd be miserable at best.

After listening to this song, I need to learn an instrument. I guess I can't truely say I love music if I can't play it. I love singing, it makes me so happy, even if I'm not the best at it. But to be able to play this song on piano or my guitar, it seems so peaceful in my head. It's my goal for next year I guess.

xx

p.s. He's here tomorrow :D!

He wears his heart safety pinned to his backpack.

His backpack is all that he knows.

Shot down by strangers whose glances can cripple the heart and devour the soul.

I am a camera whore, it clicked last night when I was having trouble sleeping and at around midnight, got up, took a billion photos, loaded them up and edited them, creating the banner in the process. I actually like my old one better, but oh well. The discovery of  over 100 photos of myself doing random things probably contributed to this apiphany.

I still haven't finished the banner he asked me to make...I fail. It's just because it's not th usual thing I make I guess, tis hard, has anime pictures and things on it.

We had another tiff yesterday. I'm on holidays and he's not, but usually when he's at school we text anyway. Yesterday I got nothing. I got a good morning message, I replied, and then nothing for six hours. This might seem needy, but when you have anxiety, your boyfriend has an many medical problems as mine does and lives 2000kms away, you start to worry a lot after six hours. I missed him heaps. He called when he got home, I was so happy to hear from him, it turns out his phone died. That was fine, I wasn't angry about the fact that I hadn't heard from him all day. In fact I wasn't even angry, I just felt plain stupid. I missed him so much, we talked for about half an hour, 75% of which was me sitting in silence while he watched some cartoon and ate. Then when he'd fnished, "I'm going to go play Live now." Missed me too did you? Gah. I thought about him all day, I doubt I entered his head at all. That makes me feel pathetic. I have to stop depending on him and obsessing about him, get a life as I've told myself many many times before.

So, I'm getting a job, guitar lessons from my new school and I'm taking like 5 study courses in January so I can breeze through year 11 and have more free time to do the stuff I like, go to the beach, paint, see friends I've neglected lately.

He's here in 2 days :)

xx

Give me a chance?

I sincerly hope they do.

The Last Something That Meant Anything
MAYDAY PARADE

Well I thought that we could sit around and talk for hours, about things I couldn't say to you, and things that we would never do. This conversation has had no face, when the words take days, you can re-write and erase anything...

Very pretty song, I like it.

Hmmm, so, he gets here in 3 days. I'm excited, ecstatic, my throat hurts from singing and that's a good sign I tell you.

Super nervous though. We haven't spent much time together and he'll be here 24/7 for two weeks.

*sings* xx

Now I'm lying on the table with everything you said.

I'm enrolled at the new school, it's all over but only just beginning. I'm terrified, excited and sad all at once.

I've had many chances to start over, try to get over my anxiety and show people who I really am, since this will be my sixth time changing schools. This will be my last chance, I'd like to spend my last to years of school content with my situation. I think one of the things I need to do to achieve this is feel better about my appearance. Let's not get into the whole "I will lose five kilos by the end of the holidays!" declarations and promises, they always fail. Miserably. I just want to look and feel healthier.

It's all I need, it's indie rock and roll for me.

Presentation night was last night, I got an 'Academic Excellence' award, I was really suprised and happy that I got one. I said to my mum "I'm not getting one, no way. If I get one, I can get my clitoris pierced, ok?"
She laughed and said sure. And promptly took back her promise when I texted her saying I got one. (Don't worry, my piercing love doesn't extend to those areas.)

Hmm, what else. Awesome asian left me an awesome message in my Myola (a yearbook type thing). It was crude, mean and sexually explict - perfect for me to remember her by.

Yo my lil' crackwhore,

I never liked you and wish you would ROT in your new school. I hope you die doing what you do all the time: getting your crevice sausage.
Kidding, later babe :P
Never forget yo lil asian hooker.

This was epic and made me laugh so hard. I didn't think I could laugh more, until I took the Myola to my grandparents house and left it there while I went to presentation night. I arrived home to find it sitting on my nans walker, in front of her as she watched TV.

Hey Nana, how's it going?

Good, good.

Read the Myola?

Yes I did, I don't like the comment your friend put in there.

Oh...*wide eyes*

*procedes to pick up the Myola, open it, and read the comment to the family in her matter of fact, posh pommy accent, pausing to try and decipher the word 'crevice'*

*dies laughing on the couch*

It was so epic, I've never ever heard anything more hilarious in my life. I don't think I'll ever hear my nana say "crackwhore" or "crevice sausage" again, so I'll treasure that memory.

I feel like having a little photo spree in my backyard, it's quite a pretty day today.

xx

p.s. On the phone to him, he's packing his suitcase to come stay with me.

God, it won't all fit.
That's what he said.

It might be getting old to you, but honestly, I never tire of them.