Oh, Florida please be still tonight.

Don't disturb this love of mine.

Corpse Bride - Emily <3

I watched Coraline for the first time the other day, it is officially one of my favourite movies, along with The Corpse Bride, Mulan, and Nightmare Before Christmas. Tim Burton, you rock. My love for stop motion animation is infinite. Harvie Krumpet rocks too, I must see Mary and Max, tis made by the same director.

STOP MOTION ANIMATION CLAYMATION NATION GENERATION

Not sure why I did that but it's out there. I'm super bored, but I've discovered the cure, drawing. I rug up and go outside, sit in the sea breeze and draw/paint/write. It's quite relaxing, maybe by the end of the holidays I might have some talent.

xx

I miss you quite terribly.

Here's some amateur art for you, scanned from my book.

This one I did about half an hour ago, I sat outside and it started off being a realistic sketch of the garden, and when I had the skeleton of everything down on the page I started darkening it until it turned into some morbid cartoon.

This I started a long time ago and only just finished sometime this week. It had a meaning, I think I was watching the news (a rare occurrence) and was thinking about societies standards.

It's my parents anniversary today, so they booked a hotel and my brother and I were abandoned, all on our own in the house for whole night. I've been switching from the computer to Halo ODST with my brother, I've gotten better since the start of the day.

Match 1: 25  4 

Match 2: 25  9 

Match 3: 25  15

So I've progressed from losing by 21 kills, to 10 kills. At least there's an improvement in my losing streak. Maybe tomorrow I can actually *shockhorror* win a match?!

*dundun* xx

I'm falling even more in love with you.

Letting go of all I've held on too.

Are you trying to take a photo of my impressive package?

I wasn't but ok. He's back home now, and my flights are bookedto see him in two weeks time, *happyface*.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling, I'm a very solitary person and when you've spent 24/7 with one person for two weeks, despite how much fun it was, it's nice to have a break, but pretty soon I'll start missing him again.

xx

p.s. It's your inner gayness coming out.

Did you just say I have a big anus?

When you think about it they do sort of rhyme.

Oh! I got m tragus pierced *ecstatic*, it was definitely the most painful, mum said my legs were even kicking. I have 8 piercings now, my goal is 12. I won't tell you where they all are ;) and a tattoo or two, only small tasteful ones though.

This is the last night you'll spend alone.

Look me in the eyes so I know you know, I'm everywhere you want me to be.

He played on the xbox pretty much all of today, it was kind of boring. I wanted to ask him if he wanted to do something together but I'd have felt bad or would've been paranoid about him not wanting to be with me. Eventually we went to the park with my brother and mum, that was nice. But I've been getting restless, being at home constantly, pretty much confined to my room, the study and lounge. I'm usually a "homebody" but a week of not leaving the house is a little much. Whenever I suggest going somewhere, he's very reluctant so I don't push it.

Come on, let's go out,
Please don't make a scene.
I just want a little adventure,
no, not from the fucking TV screen.
The only adventure you like,
comes from a game.
I'm so sorry to inform you,
I don't feel the same.

xx

Feel your every heartbeat.

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
Calm the ache, stop the shakes
You clear my mind
You're my escape
From this messed up place
'Cause you let me forget
You numb my pain

How can I tell you just all that you are
What you do to me

You're better than drugs
your love is like wine
Feel you comin' on so fast
Feel you comin' to get me high
You're better than drugs
Addicted for life
Feel you comin' on so fast
Feel you comin' on to get me high

Feel you when I'm restless
Feel you when I cannot cope
You're my addiction, my prescription, my antidote
You kill the poison
Ease the suffering
Calm the rage when I'm afraid
To feel again

How can I tell you just all that you are
What you do to me

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
You're the strength of my life

Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you on these empty nights
Feel your every heartbeat
Feel you come to get me high

I discovered a playlist on his iPod titled with my name. I asked him if I could look and he quickly whisked the iPod away, apparently I can't look because it's not finished. He showed me one song though, this one, Your Better than Drugs by Skillet. It is now my favourite song, for now at least, they change daily. It's been exactly a week since he's been here, one more to go. We're settling into a routine, he wakes up first, comes and lies on my bed trying to wake me up, we get up and do our own thing for an hour or two then start watching a movie or playing Tekken. I like it, I don't want him to leave, and I don't want the holidays to ever end.

 

Without you I've only just pulled through, and when you leave you take my soul with you.

 

xx

 

Tidal waves they rip right through me.

Tears from eyes worn cold and sad. Pick me up now, I need you so bad.

We're nearly half way through the two weeks, and both starting to realize that this could be the last time we get to see each other for four months. The last stint was two months, that was hard enough and serverly tested the relationship, for me at least. Four months is too long, so I'm going to try with all my might to come up to where he lives again this holidays.

It's still blissful. He gave me my christmas present, a silver bracelet with a heart pendant on it. It's very pretty, I love it. He made fun of my reaction - "Awww, Joey! *kiss attack*"

He's sitting on the floor beside me playing Mario Kart on DS. I just punched him in the forehead, I'm trying to teach him not to say 'Thank you' after a kiss, it kind of ruins the moment xD. He knows about this blog but can't read it.

xx

I don't want this moment to ever end.

Where everything's nothing, without you.

Day two. I think I'll lose some weight with all the wrestling. Even when we're not fighting, he takes my phone or I take his iPod and it starts up again. I don't want him to ever ever leave. But he will have to eventually *sigh*.

He showed my mum the present he got me for christmas, she said I would love it and it 'brought a tear to her eye.' He wanted to give it to me today so he could see me 'wearing it', but I thought it would be nicer closer to christmas. After a short fight, which I won, he agreed.

xxx

I am too happy and excited to come up with lyrics at this moment.

HE'S HERE!!

I was worried, I was terrified it was going to be really awkward, but it's awesome. I love him. It's so nice. We've been wrestling, fighting, abusing and teasing eachother. He said it's the funnest day he's had ever. I accidently hit him in the crotch to hard with my thongs and he curled up on the side of the road groaning, but he was still laughing while he was there. My stomach hurts, bye!!

xx

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight.

I know he's there.

You're probably hanging out and making eyes,

While across the room he stares...

I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor,

and ask my girl to dance,

and she'll say yes.

I love you Mayday Parade.

Because these words were never easier for me to say,

or her to second guess...

But I guess,

that I can live without you but,

without you I'd be miserable at best.

After listening to this song, I need to learn an instrument. I guess I can't truely say I love music if I can't play it. I love singing, it makes me so happy, even if I'm not the best at it. But to be able to play this song on piano or my guitar, it seems so peaceful in my head. It's my goal for next year I guess.

xx

p.s. He's here tomorrow :D!

He wears his heart safety pinned to his backpack.

His backpack is all that he knows.

Shot down by strangers whose glances can cripple the heart and devour the soul.

I am a camera whore, it clicked last night when I was having trouble sleeping and at around midnight, got up, took a billion photos, loaded them up and edited them, creating the banner in the process. I actually like my old one better, but oh well. The discovery of  over 100 photos of myself doing random things probably contributed to this apiphany.

I still haven't finished the banner he asked me to make...I fail. It's just because it's not th usual thing I make I guess, tis hard, has anime pictures and things on it.

We had another tiff yesterday. I'm on holidays and he's not, but usually when he's at school we text anyway. Yesterday I got nothing. I got a good morning message, I replied, and then nothing for six hours. This might seem needy, but when you have anxiety, your boyfriend has an many medical problems as mine does and lives 2000kms away, you start to worry a lot after six hours. I missed him heaps. He called when he got home, I was so happy to hear from him, it turns out his phone died. That was fine, I wasn't angry about the fact that I hadn't heard from him all day. In fact I wasn't even angry, I just felt plain stupid. I missed him so much, we talked for about half an hour, 75% of which was me sitting in silence while he watched some cartoon and ate. Then when he'd fnished, "I'm going to go play Live now." Missed me too did you? Gah. I thought about him all day, I doubt I entered his head at all. That makes me feel pathetic. I have to stop depending on him and obsessing about him, get a life as I've told myself many many times before.

So, I'm getting a job, guitar lessons from my new school and I'm taking like 5 study courses in January so I can breeze through year 11 and have more free time to do the stuff I like, go to the beach, paint, see friends I've neglected lately.

He's here in 2 days :)

xx

Give me a chance?

I sincerly hope they do.

The Last Something That Meant Anything
MAYDAY PARADE

Well I thought that we could sit around and talk for hours, about things I couldn't say to you, and things that we would never do. This conversation has had no face, when the words take days, you can re-write and erase anything...

Very pretty song, I like it.

Hmmm, so, he gets here in 3 days. I'm excited, ecstatic, my throat hurts from singing and that's a good sign I tell you.

Super nervous though. We haven't spent much time together and he'll be here 24/7 for two weeks.

*sings* xx

Now I'm lying on the table with everything you said.

I'm enrolled at the new school, it's all over but only just beginning. I'm terrified, excited and sad all at once.

I've had many chances to start over, try to get over my anxiety and show people who I really am, since this will be my sixth time changing schools. This will be my last chance, I'd like to spend my last to years of school content with my situation. I think one of the things I need to do to achieve this is feel better about my appearance. Let's not get into the whole "I will lose five kilos by the end of the holidays!" declarations and promises, they always fail. Miserably. I just want to look and feel healthier.

It's all I need, it's indie rock and roll for me.

Presentation night was last night, I got an 'Academic Excellence' award, I was really suprised and happy that I got one. I said to my mum "I'm not getting one, no way. If I get one, I can get my clitoris pierced, ok?"
She laughed and said sure. And promptly took back her promise when I texted her saying I got one. (Don't worry, my piercing love doesn't extend to those areas.)

Hmm, what else. Awesome asian left me an awesome message in my Myola (a yearbook type thing). It was crude, mean and sexually explict - perfect for me to remember her by.

Yo my lil' crackwhore,

I never liked you and wish you would ROT in your new school. I hope you die doing what you do all the time: getting your crevice sausage.
Kidding, later babe :P
Never forget yo lil asian hooker.

This was epic and made me laugh so hard. I didn't think I could laugh more, until I took the Myola to my grandparents house and left it there while I went to presentation night. I arrived home to find it sitting on my nans walker, in front of her as she watched TV.

Hey Nana, how's it going?

Good, good.

Read the Myola?

Yes I did, I don't like the comment your friend put in there.

Oh...*wide eyes*

*procedes to pick up the Myola, open it, and read the comment to the family in her matter of fact, posh pommy accent, pausing to try and decipher the word 'crevice'*

*dies laughing on the couch*

It was so epic, I've never ever heard anything more hilarious in my life. I don't think I'll ever hear my nana say "crackwhore" or "crevice sausage" again, so I'll treasure that memory.

I feel like having a little photo spree in my backyard, it's quite a pretty day today.

xx

p.s. On the phone to him, he's packing his suitcase to come stay with me.

God, it won't all fit.
That's what he said.

It might be getting old to you, but honestly, I never tire of them.

Well, she never was the best at following the trends.

My faux strength has crumbled,
my grief caught me unaware.
I thought this would be easy,
I thought I didn't care.
I battled the day quietly,
No goodbye, no farewell.
You don't know what you have 'til it's gone,
and I had beauty in my hell.

My last day ever at the school. I really did think it would be easy, leaving, forgetting everyone. But I got in the car with mum and started crying, I'm really scared, I don't want to move, and I feel extremely guilty about not telling people I'm leaving, but the people who matter to me know I guess. Most of them, I think there's one or two other people I should have told. I'm verrry confused *whines*.

Imma go...straighten my hair? Yes.

xx

p.s. *as she pushes me down the stairs* Go down, go down!!
        That's what he said.

and today we have an epic occasion, because I have one to submit from him today.

       Stick your finger in and see what happens.
       That's what she said.

Gotta love life.

Tremble little lion man.

I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear? Didn't I my dear?

Dear, you can't be hurt in your imagination.
I found bliss in isolation.
But all guards are off, my soul's been bared.
I'm so in love and I'm so scared.

And I really need to stop writing depressing poems. I think this post was planned to be positive, but then I started it with "I'm so in love and I'm so scared" and then my genius mind (modest too) spawned the guards are off line, and it rhymed so off I went into lyric land. I wish I could sing, I could come up with some awesome songs me thinks.

xx

and It was your heart on the line.

I have news.

News of epic proportions.

I like a song.

This song, is a folk song.

That's right, your eyes do not decieve you, a folk song.

Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man

Go listen now or forever hold your peace.

xx

p.s. I was just asked "What I was on." I'm on this song bitch.

We're gonna die like this you know.

Miserable and oh.

I had a quite nice day today. A maths lesson spent doing puzzles, fashion jewellry textiles making little random what-ever-you-wanteds out of fabric scraps. Recess, ahh, recess. Redskins from the lovely Gen, a sweet note from Lauren, sadistic rock paper scissors and sex jokes, all sitting on the cool concrete in the shade. The rest of the day continued in the same fashion, very relaxing and nice. The only part I would complain about is the fact that my secret santa present was taken from my locker, bitches.

Oh wait, I just got off the phone to him, my day just plumetted. Dead. Fuck.

Someone, who I don't know, in a town I don't even fucking live in anymore, told his mum that I would "come hell or high water have sex with her son."

What.
The.
Fuck.

We've discussed before that we wouldn't be doing that until both of us had left highschool!! He started off the conversation with "I have a bone to pick with you..." Bad tone. Ugh. He said he doesn't trust anyone, not even me anymore. Because some dickhead twisted something I said, or, created a complete lie, and spread it around. This is the second time this has happened, it has to stop.

Me, little miss Virgin-Never-Been-Kissed, plots to have sex with her boyfriend of, what, two months? Totally.

I'm so stressed, I want to know who said it, where they got it from, and why why why.

Really gotta hand it to you, really gotta hand it to you.

xx (Oh wait, I probably shouldn't kiss kiss after my posts anymore, people might think I'm a WHORE.)